It’s not you, it’s me…
This phrase can mean different things to different people, but often times, it’s is a very common cliché to mean uh yes, it is YOU ! But what if it’s not a cliché and it really is not you, but ME ? Today, let’s not look at the outward, but rather inward. Let’s take a look at the Self.
Self-sabotage, self-defeating prophecy, a way to break down your self-confidence and self-image. Now let’s really take a look at this… all these concepts have the word SELF in it, but so often we look out at the world for answers. We often blame, look for more, eat more, buy more, crave more. These negative or undesirable results are filling a void, one that we are filling with often the same things that continue to yield the same results, but make us comfortable. They are easy, because they are familiar. So often, the answer is the change we so desperately seek, yet does not arrive because we don’t choose to change. Rarely do we look inward for the reasons and answers.
Let’s look at some of the circumstances that often are a part of our own self-sabotage…
- Dating the same type of person
- Unfulfilling relationships
- Not doing something you desire
- Putting others happiness over yours
- Negative thoughts and Negative talk
What can we do to change these maladaptive and negative patterns and make it all about ME ?
- Identify what are you doing that is giving you feelings of guilt, feelings that are undesirable, or of unhappiness.
- Make a list of the amazing qualities that make you YOU. Look at this list daily and appreciate and show off your qualities, give yourself the credit you deserve.
- Make a list of qualities that you like in friends or in a potential partner. Consider those qualities, in the friends and potential partners you surround yourself with possess these qualities? If not, consider what they are adding to your life. Consider how your life would change if the people you kept had the qualities you desired and valued the qualities you possess.
- Surround yourself with people that believe in you, challenge you and support you.
- Share your life with people that you would like to grow and evolve with, rather than with others that bring you down or remind you of a negative past.
- Do something that makes you shine. Is it taking a bath, cooking, reading, listening to music, writing. Whatever it is, make time to do it daily and to appreciate you.
- So often we carry difficulties from our past. Write a letter to your past self describing the difficulty and how you resolved it. Even if you haven’t completely resolved it, write a letter to yourself telling yourself how YOU resolved it. Read it, visualize it, become it, this will become your reality.
Take the time at the end of the day to reflect on the Self. Let’s take a look and identify what did you do that made you happy, where do you believe you had a connection and where do you feel you compromised? Remember always that it IS about YOU. If you put yourself and your happiness first, then you can share that happiness and see it in others. This brings the ultimate fulfillment. And if you ever have any doubts, always remember: The world outside is nothing more than a reflection of the world inside you. Make the You that you reflect the back, the one that You desire…